After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
