he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
