Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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