In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
