I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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