you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
