I want to have your abortion
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
