If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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