So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Walk of Shame today included voting.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
