I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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