Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm really busy with my period
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