DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize