Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
