Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
