Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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