remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
