i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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