But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
