Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
