I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
