I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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