im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
