complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
