Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
