my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
