So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
