I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
