I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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