Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Randomize
