Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
