i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
