i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
