Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
