Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
