I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
