It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
