Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
