the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
