these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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