Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize