my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
