I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
