you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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