Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Michael Bay diarrhea
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
