I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
