took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
