i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
