sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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