May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
