i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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