i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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