I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
