spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
