I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
