idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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