Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How's work?
Spinning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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