I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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