Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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