make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize