Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm really busy with my period
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