Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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