That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
