I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize