I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
