Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
