so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
