I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
