i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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