i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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