I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
