im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
