I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
