piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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