My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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