you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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