Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
