I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
