so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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