hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize