What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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