maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize