If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
