Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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