pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
