If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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