After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
