Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to have your abortion
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
