Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize